My journey of letting go of my dog Baxter
Letting go of your pet is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever have to make. It’s one I’ve had to make three times in my life. Losing my heart dog last year, the dog who inspired me to become a dog photographer, has been the hardest.
The start of 2023 was messy. Baxter ate something he shouldn’t have and let’s just say we cleaned the floors A LOT. His arthritis in his back hips was getting a little worse as well. At 14 years old, I knew our time together was growing short. I was hopeful he would be able to celebrate his 15th birthday in June. We did a round of laser therapy and adjusted medications to help with his hips. We switched to prescription food (and suddenly his toots no longer cleared the room) and he started sleeping downstairs. We also bought a stroller to keep him with us on pack walks which he has loved since we adopted him in 2008.
He was still so happy to be with us.
We usually boarded him when we went to the beach for July 4th. There were lots of stairs, kids, and chaos. He had a rough time walking after he was boarded in April, so we wanted to take him with us. We brought a tarp, extra towels, puppy pads, and belly bands. It was during this trip that I knew it was time to say goodbye.
He rarely barked unless he saw a person or squirrel through the window and then it was a howl. Each morning in Corolla, he would bark around 7a.m. confused about where he was. One night, I sat outside with him from 3:00 to 5:00 a.m. hoping some extra trazodone would help calm him. It was the first time I saw any signs of doggy dementia. My heart hurt so badly for him.
I cried in my room the next morning as I spoke with an at-home euthanasia service and we set an appointment for Friday. I questioned if Baxter would turn a corner once we got home the next day. Would he be relaxed and settled and have a few more months with us or was this really the end?
Ultimately, he stopped eating Saturday and I knew the best thing we could do for him was to let him go. We said our final goodbye Sunday, July 9th, 2023.
We know there will eventually be a “goodbye” each time we commit to loving a pet. Knowing we will have to say “goodbye” doesn’t make it any easier when the time comes. Here are some things I’ve learned during my journey of love and loss:
Letting go of your pet doesn’t mean you’re “giving up”
Each pet’s journey is unique. Sometimes there are medicines and procedures that can prolong their life and give them a better quality of life. Sometimes, the kindest thing is letting go through euthanasia. It’s a deeply personal decision.
As a pet photographer in North Carolina, so many of my clients and friends have shared their stories with me or asked me for advice. I even called on many of them to help me when it was time to say goodbye to Baxter. The most helpful reminder came from my client of 12 years when she said “It’s better to say ‘goodbye’ a day early than a day too late.”
Our veterinarian gave us similar advice when she said to consider how we want to remember Baxter and how much we can handle emotionally. Would the final memories of Baxter potentially being in pain overshadow the years of joyful, playful Baxter? Would an extra few days add to his life or prolong his pain? I knew Baxter would never leave me and that I would have to help him let go.
Add a bit of joy to everyday
The best way to make end-of-life decisions easier is to treat you and your pet to as many days of fun, adventure, play, and great food as you are able. The more you live your life as besties, the easier it is to celebrate rather than mourn when you are no longer together. Baxter lived a good life of play dates, long walks, birthday cakes, and the softest snuggle spots.
How can you tell if your pet has a good quality of life
Your veterinarian can help you navigate physical and mental struggles your pet may face as they age. Some questions to help you assess your pet’s quality of life are:
- Can your pet still navigate their environment with ease? Are they struggling to get up, go for walks, or use the litter box?
- Is your pet experiencing chronic pain that medication struggles to control?
- Is your pet disinterested in food, even their favorite treats?
- Has your once playful pet become lethargic, withdrawn, and uninterested in activities they used to enjoy?
- Is your pet struggling with bladder or bowel control, leading to accidents?
- Does your pet exhibit labored breathing, coughing, or excessive panting?
Raleigh mobile veterinarian Azure Holland has an online quality-of-life assessment that can help you answer these questions.
Communicate with your veterinarian
Ask your veterinarian about what end-of-life services they offer and how the process works at their individual clinic. You may choose to help your pet pass at the vet or at home via euthanasia. If you think you might opt for letting your pet pass naturally at home, ask your veterinarian what to expect. Save emergency vet info if you should change your mind or if your pet’s passing does not seem restful.
Celebrate amidst sadness
As you consider letting go of your pet, think about special treats or experiences your pet can still enjoy. We held a “Doggy Celebration of Life” for Baxter the day before we said goodbye. This was especially helpful for my three children as they processed their grief. My kids each picked an activity to do during Baxter’s celebration of life. One wanted to make a cake. One asked to use ink pads to capture his paw prints. My son wanted to feed Baxter special treats.
You may opt for an end-of-life pet photography session. These sessions offer a special time to capture the life-long bond you have formed in a relaxed and intimate way.
Coping with pet loss and grief
Letting go of a pet is no different than losing another family member. You may find comfort in sharing a tribute to your pet on social media. Reach out to friends to let them know ahead of time if you are able. Some neighbors and family members may also want to say a final farewell or offer support for you in other ways.
We had so many people show us love when Baxter passed away. My oldest daughter said “Wow, people really loved Baxter.” I told her “Yes, but they also knew how much we loved Baxter and that is why they are making sure we knew they love us too.”
There are professional resources that may also help you and your family cope with grief:
- The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement.
- I have found a lot of peace following the Instagram Account by Beth Bugler, a pet loss grief Counselor
Remember, you’re not alone
At Tara Lynn & Co. I understand the heartbreak of losing a pet. I’ve walked this journey with many of my clients as well. Grief doesn’t follow a certain path or timeline. Tears and laughter will intertwine when you least expect it sometimes. Feel the feelings. Call a friend. Look through photos of your happy times together.
Always remember how lucky we are to have loved and be loved by such sweet souls.