I had a client call last night. We had just wrapped up dinner as a family and started one of our usual dance parties. For those who need a visual, we had the Moana Soundtrack on, Claire (4yrs) was wearing a hand-me-down dance leotard and a bright blue tutu that I actually bought for our dog Lily before Claire was born. Emerson (20 months) had on a dress-up skirt and a witch hat that she liked to pull down over her face. My husband somehow ended up with his own tutu over his head looking like a pink Pharaoh. I completed the troupe with my own black Halloween tutu as we marched around the house. The phone rings and I grab it and run upstairs (still wearing my tutu of course).
It was also about time for the girls to head up to get a bath. Brandon had been out of town and just got back. Claire always gets a little emotional and needy when he returns. Emerson is a full-on mommy’s girl and prefers for me to hold her 80% of the time. So, I’m trying to have a calm conversation at my computer only to discover that my mouse isn’t working. I hear Emerson calling for me from the bottom of the stairs and am also trying to usher Baxter into our room so he doesn’t snap at Emerson if she climbs up the stairs. (yea, as I type this, it’s even more chaos than I thought at the time)
I say hello and apologize for the distractions in the background and cringe at my failure to maintain my preferred level of professionalism. And then Claire has a meltdown downstairs, I can’t focus or hear and then they all come marching up stairs for bath time. I go running downstairs covering the mouth piece of the phone to block the girls shrieks. Sheesh.
If I have phone calls in the evening, I always schedule them at a time when I know we will have finished dinner and my husband can manage the girls. Sometimes it works. Last night it didn’t.
Work Life vs Mom Life
As a pet photographer, I’ve struggled with talking about my life as a mom. From a marketing standpoint, I’m a “pet” photographer so why would I post photos of my kids or talk about them if I’m trying to reach more pet parents than parents of tiny humans? Spoiler alert: I am expanding my business to offer more family sessions. I previously reserved family sessions for previous pet clients. But more on all that in another post.
Perhaps my biggest struggle with talking about my children as a business owner, is that I didn’t want to be defined by them.
I’ve spent so much time defining the identity of my business, that I started defining myself in the exact same way. My business has become my identity. So if a potential client turns down a proposal or my husband can’t see the same vision I do for a new business idea, it’s not my business they are rejecting. It’s me. They are rejecting me! And if I don’t hit my financial goal for the year, I have failed.
Identity or Idol?
My identity as a business owner has started to become an idol. It has started to take time away from my family rather than add time. This idol has caused me at times to see my children as a burden rather than a blessing. If one of the girls is sick, I stay home and care for them. I love that I get to do that. But it also means I don’t work…which means I don’t earn income for my family…making it harder for me to reach my financial goal for the year…which could set me up for “failure.”
But am I really a failure for staying home to care for my sick child? No.
Childhood Dreams
As a child, I always dreamed of being my own boss or owning my own company. Why? Because my dad did and he had the flexible schedule to be room dad or take off to help my mom in her classroom for events. I wanted to have that same freedom for my family then and now.
I’m working on it. I’m working on the balance of contributing to my family financially, emotionally and spiritually. I’m working on offering myself grace. I’m working on allowing my business to be a blessing to my family. I don’t have to be defined by only ONE role in my life. If I had to define myself in anyway, I hope to be defined as a child of God who loves and lives fully.
How about you?
Is your business your identity? Have you limited your view of yourself? What box have you put yourself or your dreams in and how are you going to break out of that box?